Thursday, January 17, 2013
Facts and Futures
I had the chance to talk to someone I both respect, and look to when I need cheering up recently. As much as I love talking to her, I couldn't help but wish we were not having the conversation we were having. Not because we were not on the same page, but because we were. Sometimes when I write, someone will answer back. They will echo my feelings and wonder how I knew. Was I reading their journals? Their minds? No, it is simply that we are not alone. You are not alone. And today it was my turn to echo back. To say I knew how she felt. I understood and to tried to lift that lovely woman up. Circumstances beyond her control were overwhelming her. Not just her but her family. She is a strong woman. A brave, kick ass and take names kind of girl. The one you want at your back when it all goes south. So, to hear her voice, usually so strong and vibrant reduced to a whisper, hurt my heart. She had tried a much traveled road, because it was the direct route to get out of her present reality. She needed so badly to be out of it. She had been waiting on a call, those few that change your life. And when the phone rang it was brought disappointment. It was only one word. Far from the most powerful word, unless you let it be. It was of course, no.
She had reached out for help and hope and had her hand slapped. Her great plan for a quick escape had been thwarted. We spent time on the phone, I did most of the talking, I usually do. I reminded her that she was a warrior. She was so much more than she knew. She was a pint sized power house and would succeed. How did I know this? Because I had. Because as long as she was breathing, moving, trying, "no" had no meaning. Someone else's no is not yours, unless you let it be. If the question is will you marry me?" or "Do these pants make me look fat?" Then let it be, take that no. But, if it is something that will tear your world apart, if it will keep you down, do not except it. No one else defines you. No one else can limit you. Never let anyone have the power to crush your dreams. Sometimes no is just, "not this way". So, try another. Take it as a challenge. Take that no and show it who it is dealing with.
This is your life, your world and no one can take that from you. You have the choice to give it away. I have, so many times, it shames me to admit it. But in truth comes growth. I threw out ideas and encouragement. I sent up prayers and sent her down another path. I do not know if it is the right one. I cannot do this for her, but I know she can. And because she can, she will. It is okay to be overwhelmed. It is perfectly reasonable to cry. When life is not fair and you have no idea of up from down, take a moment, take a few, no more than two days worth, we are not looking to make it a lifestyle choice, and then look around. What do you have that can help you? Who do you know? Be creative. Make it a team effort. Someone has your answer. People love to help. It is addicting to do some little thing that cost nearly nothing for someone else. Use search engines and take advice. Never give up. If you stop swimming, you drown. Unless of course, you float.
My husband is always saying "sometimes the best thing to do is nothing." That is a hard one for me. It is not an answer I am interested in. And yet sometimes, it is the best thing. If someone has hurt me, been rude or cruel, I have learned to take that addvice. To not jump into the fire. It gets easier the more you do it. The more you can identify that someone else's thoughts and feelings have nothing to do with you. There is freedom in that realization. I am working on it. It is new to me. All of life is about learning to deal with ourselves and each other. When I first started this blog in the middle of Summer, I did not know that. I found people troublesome. Everyone had opinions and feelings. It was messy and I was caught between the need to express when I thought that they were wrong and the always present desire to blot them out. To just let them go. I had nothing in between. It was all or nothing with me and that saddened me. More and more people did not make the cut and I was usually alone. When something bad happened, I had very few numbers to call. For all the things my smart phone could do, it could not find solace. And so, I changed. I stopped looking at others and went about fixing the only person I could, me. I am where I am and I am still not nearly as far as I want to go. I still fall short. I still will hit the horn sometimes when someone cuts in front of me while driving. Every once in a while I almost fall for someone else's words, not as often. Because, the one thing I have learned in this time, when Summer gave way to Autumn and now to Winter, is this; to never let someone else's facts effect your future. That is yours and you have to go find it. You will design it. You are doing it right now. As you read these words, your future is coming. Go meet it with your heart open and live it. I wish you health and peace and one thing more, hope. Never go anywhere without HOPE.